Recently, I spotted a video from one of those Buzzfeed style blogging news sites that posts “cool, interesting stuff” that is usually neither. It was titled “Skateboarding just got an upgrade”, and was accompanied with footage of this:
The video made several points about why the above abomination is somehow better than the regular old skateboard we’ve been used to for roughly 50 years. These points were that skateboards are big and clunky, skateboarding is hard to learn, and that you can do everything a skateboard can do with the “Orbitwheel”. The video boldly claimed that “you can perform an array of tricks”. As a skateboarder I was looking at this thing kinda puzzled: How the fuck do you ollie on that thing? How you grind? How do you drop in? Surely skateboarding is supposed to be hard, and that’s part of the way we separate those who are really passionate about it from those who just want to carry a skateboard around as a fashion accessory?
As a skateboarder this thing seemed fucking useless to me, so to claim it was an upgrade to what I already use seemed like a massive misunderstanding of what a skateboard is actually for. Historical, real, upgrades to the skateboard have included changes in board shape, alterations to the nose to allow nollie tricks, and even engineering changes to the construction of decks to increase strength. We have some real proper upgrades that have been made to the skateboard and there’s one reason why bullshit like the Orbitwheel will never replace the skateboard as we know it:
The skateboard was never created to be sold as a commercial toy or gadget.
Skateboards evolved naturally as surfer’s took to the streets when the waves were shit. They cobbled together a bunch of existing items and made this bastard surfboard on wheels. The Orbitwheel, the Ripstick, Heeleys, etc – all of these are toy companies trying to replace something that evolved naturally. They are trying to invent a new extreme sport out of thin air. And you can’t force that.
I would argue the only thing that was created this way that actually took off is the scooter. I’m pretty sure that is a one in a million situation, where some companies got lucky and managed to make one of these things that actually appeals to kids. Even then, the production and distribution of scooters soon moved to skateboard distributors like Shiner in Bristol, as the scooter riders who got really into it soon followed skateboarders and BMXers and would only buy their parts and scooters from legit skate and scoot shops (buying from a SOS or local scene shop is a cultural staple of skateboarding and BMXing… it would make sense that serious scooter riders would follow suit).
I guess the point of this blogpost is that if you skate, you see shit like the Orbitwheel a lot. Every week someone you know who doesn’t skate is tagging you on facebook in the comments for a video of a shit plastic toy that is apparently “the next skateboard”. But, history proves that there is no “next skateboard”. The skateboard is the skateboard. Anything else is just a cheap gimmick, or in time will offshoot into something that is not skateboarding. Not everyone can make the next skateboard, or scooter, or whatever. And as long as that is the case, skateboarding’s not getting an “upgrade” anytime soon.
The Terrible Company 
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